What will you do with the facts?

Loving Children

We often hear political speeches from those who pull at our heartstrings with rhetoric about the children of our nation being our greatest asset. We hear of the need for better education and concern for the epidemic of obesity. Our children seem to be over-medicated, yet not healthy, over-stimulated, yet bored with life, and over-scheduled, yet under achieving.

Our children are being destroyed in a culture that is addicted to the indoors, electronics, and passivity. The real problem or tragedy may be that a measurable improvement in their lives can be achieved with some solutions that are easily available to all.

Children are sponges for information, and in the information age of which we’re a part, we need to guard what information they absorb. We carefully watch over what our children absorb when it comes to food and air, but often do not show a concern for what they absorb into their minds. It is not just tainted food or polluted air that will reduce the joy of living. In fact, air and food may be easier to clean up than the many lies that are so easy to obtain and believe.

After years of working with children, I have come to some conclusions. I have no studies conducted by self-interested parties to prove anything and I am sponsored by no one to say anything. I am a husband, a dad, and a teacher who has watched and is watching a generation try to find meaning in meaningless ways and who wonder why they cannot feel significant or secure.

First and foremost, the problem stems from replacing God with ourselves. Instead of God being the plumb bob to all things, we have reduced God to one who has opinions. Children have watched parents live in a way that excludes God until they are in a crisis. They cannot understand a loving Father because they have not seen one. They have trouble trusting because the stability that should have been evident in the home is absent, and the words of Mom and Dad seem to be merely words that are masked by reality.

Children seem to have been abandoned by Mom and Dad and left to the school, churches, television, movies, and the internet in order to find life’s answers. Mom and Dad have become “good” parents because they provide physical provision, shuttle children to whatever activities they are involved in, and keep their family out of trouble.

The first thing we need to do in order to correct the problem our children are facing is to encourage Mom and Dad to start loving God and each other. Marriages are not arrangements, they are relationships. Christianity is not about an arrangement to stay out of Hell; it is a restored relationship with God. Children need to see this demonstrated, not just hear about it. Moms and Dads need to be intentional about spending time with each other and with God, and watch what that does to the kids.

What our children have observed in our culture is the fruit of narcissism. Narcissism is not even unusual anymore. It seems rather normative, but relationships cannot thrive in the soil of self. People get married in order to meet their own needs, they focus on fulfilling themselves, and, as a result, they raise children in a way that focuses on “Look at me!”

Once again, it starts with the parents deciding to get their lives right. Men were given a directive by God to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This was said at a time when there were arranged marriages, and, I am sure a host of excuses for being victimized by the arrangement. Women are to be supportive, a help mate to the man who loves them as Christ loved the church.

Structure and order are important and without it we again suffer due to our lack of understanding of how things were meant to be.

Most parents minimize the importance of loving God and each other and doing so in public, at home and for real. It is the most important thing you will ever do to help your kids.

Educationally we can help our kids by being active in their lives. Years ago I read a study that was done that outlined several schools in our nation that, for some reason, were rated “tops.” The study tried to find a common thread in the schools that were on the top of the heap. They found that some of the schools were in urban areas, while some were in the country. Some of the schools were very poor, while others had an abundance of resources. It seemed as if the money, place, or condition of the building had little to do with the outcome of their educational efforts. It seems that the only common thread was the actual time that the students’ parents spent with the children. In all of the successful schools, students who actually spent time with Mom and Dad did better.

Imagine that. This does not cost the taxpayer any money. This has nothing to do with equipment, facilities, or even teacher competence. It seems to me that the idea of finding better teachers is a smoke screen for the real problem of needing to find better parents.

We also seem to see kids over-medicated in that it seems as if every other child is on some kind of medicine to help control his/her behavior or feelings. Throughout the years at summer camp we have seen an enormous increase in the amount of medications children bring to camp. The increase seems to be mostly in the area of ADHD and Depression medication.

According to Dr. Oz there are several studies which show that children with ADHD have improved functioning and fewer ADHD symptoms when they are exposed to natural settings such as fields, woods, and parks. Once again, it seems as if we put some effort into helping children get outside and play, and even play with them, that we might see some positive results. Children need outside time. They need to be challenged to get away from the electronics and get into the ecology zone and enjoy being young and energetic.

Dr. Oz also stated that “Aside from medication, behavior management strategies are often one of the first lines of defense used to help a child who has ADHD. Restructuring and modifying a child’s environment can greatly reduce a child’s stress and reduce many of the symptoms associated with ADHD. Behavior management strategies can help a child to make sense of their world so that they can better understand cause-and-effect and be able to predict consequences for behavior.”

In order help children overcome some of the ADHD, we need to provide them with structure. We need to modify their environment to reduce the stress, perhaps the stress they should not have in the first place because it is caused by the lack of adult attention and supervision.

In summary, I believe we are in trouble as a nation, and that adults have ignored the most basic responsibility we have in the loving and tending to our own children. It is not the schools, government, or the churches’ responsibility to raise our kids.

Our children need to see parents who adjust their lives in a way that reflects what is really important. They need time without electronic interference. They need family time doing something interactive instead of watching television or a movie. They need real people who are committed to real relationships.

As this happens, we will see the ship of society begin to turn to a healthy direction, and perhaps we will begin to see a brighter future instead of the darkness that seems to be looming in such a heavy way.

It is time we take responsibility. Stop the arrangement and start the relationships. Stop pretending and start protecting.

We can do this or we can continue to find fault with the faulty ways we have been doing things. After all, claiming to be a victim eases the pain of failure.

Let us begin to make a difference by being intentional about our time and relationship with God, our spouse, and our kids. The future could be bright and we could be the catalyst. 

Dave Wager davewager.com