Guard Your Eyes....Please.

Media posted by Dannah Gresh on 04/27/10

A few weeks ago, a colleague in the Christian publishing and speaking world suddenly needed an audience with me and my team...and fast. You see, over the weekend his eight-year-old daughter had a sleepover with a nine-year-old friend. When his fourteen-year-old got on the Internet after they’d used it, she found herself seeing images no girl (or woman, for that matter) should ever see. His heart was broken by the fact that both of his little girls had been forced to look at images that rip the innocence right out of girlhood. It should not surprise you that this happened. It happens in most houses everyday. It may be that you were the eight year old, or the fourteen year old that it happened to. 

The fourth most-searched word on the Internet for kids ages 7 and under in 2009 was “porn.” For all kids up to age 18, sex was No. 4, porn No. 5. (According to data collected by OnlineFamily.Norton.com.) This supports some research I saw a few years ago out of Britain, stating that the average age of the first inception of pornography has dropped from around twelve or thirteen to age seven or eight. Seen any lately?

Job 31:1 records Job’s promise to God. He’d made a covenant with his eyes to look at no vile thing. Have you made just a covenant? If not, it’s not too late. Here are a few steps you need to take to be successful.

Pornography is a problem. Many young people, with whom I talk, if they level with me, are struggling.  When you add pornography to the already overcharged hormones fueled by various other forms of media, the results are devastating.  I do not know that many young women actually believe they are being objectified by an entire culture.

Here are some suggestions from a dad, who loves his daughters, his wife, and our Father.

1.       Realize that pornography is a trap, and like any trap, be on the lookout for it to show up and get you when you least expect it.

2.       The problem with addictions like porn is not what it seems. The problem with porn is not a sexual problem; it is a heart problem. It may start with curiosity, but it becomes something a person will give his/her life to.  We need to really work at understanding and living in the love of God, and realize that what He says is not simply a set of rules, but from the heart of a loving Father. We also need to remember that the pictures that are viewed are daughters, moms, and sons, and be broken-hearted instead of entertained. Some of us have portrayed God as one who need appeasing, one who judges instead of one who loves and wants what is good for us. We need to spend time often talking of our loving Father.

3.       Realize that often when we give Satan a foothold, we give him the hammer that he beats us with. We flirt with movies, music, and lifestyle that keeps us so close to the edge that a slight mistake could be devastating. Adults need to demonstrate a different way to live. We need to show a genuine love for God and have our hearts break about the things God’s heart breaks for. We need to adjust our lives in order to live in a way that tells the children who love us to follow us, closely, and know that if they do, they will be driven into loving God.  We need to do everything we can to allow our children to grow up in an environment that demonstrates God’s love and not love for self. Perhaps we need to spend more face to face time with our kids so that they spend less Facebook to Facebook time.

4.       I would suggest that you monitor cell phone usage and that you be allowed to read any and all text messages, see any posted pictures, and insist that you be their friend on their social networking sites.

5.       I would insist that all of the computers in my possession, both at home, office, or laptops have the program Clean Internet on them. (http://cleaninternet.com ) Clean Internet is a wonderful filter that does not slow down your computer. I have tested it myself and with some who have struggled with porn, and found it both effective at blocking porn, as well as non-restricting on surfing decent sites.  Most accountability software I do not care for because it slows your computer down; this does not. Clean Internet is not actually on your computer.  It is not a program you install and you cannot take it off at a whim either.  They take into account your profession and will unlock sites upon your request (rather speedily).  There is an accountability component if you like, but I have found that the young men who have been in accountability programs tend to spend their time trying not to get caught rather than learning to live in real love and purpose.   (If you do sign up for Clean Internet, if you put SBR as the code when registering, $10 will be donated to Silver Birch for needy campers.)

6.       Realize that you are not a legalist because you care and adjust your environment in a way that will nurture instead of destroy.

7.       I would work at ways that would show your admiration for your children apart from their physical  beauty.  I would ask older women to help younger women by talking about and training the younger women to dress modestly. Modest, once again, is not a legalistic term. It is a real word used in the Bible. In general, modesty means that you dress in a way that does not bring attention to you or various body parts. Sometimes I think women act “dumb” on this one, yet they all know when they have dressed modestly, so let’s make that the new norm.

8.       I would not make this an issue of certain teachers, churches, or culture. I would make this a matter of listening to God or not listening to God.  Adults should personally be demonstrating that as they love God, they obey Him.  If God tells us to flee youthful lusts and to make no provision for the flesh, then we listen to Him and not make the messenger, whoever it might be, the problem.

9.       Let’s talk about the real problem. The problem is that we have pushed God out of our nation, our communities, our families, and our personal life. We want to do what is right in our own eyes, rather than listen to God. In fact, there would be all kinds of problems solved if we would listen to God. If everyone listened to God, there would be no abortion issue for the politicians to argue about, because all would be abstinent before marriage and faithful in marriage. Therefore, no abortions would be necessary. When we try and solve the problem without God, we only argue and never solve the problem.  Our kids need to see adults who do not ignore God, but who embrace Him and His ways as a solution for life’s problems.

10.   Sincerely love God and your family. If you love God, for real, you will obey Him, and you will be in tune with His Holy Spirit who will guide you.  We need to be intentional about really loving God, our family, and our friends, and enjoy the benefits that come from living and loving as we were created to.

My heart is often broken these days because we have removed the guardrails and keep experiencing tragedies that could have been avoided if they were in place. I am not now or ever speaking of stagnant rules, but instructions and guidelines given to us by our loving and living Father.  He is no legalist; He is our Father. He is older than us, smarter than us and loves us. We can trust Him.

Dave Wager
davewager.com